Things you shouldn't say or hear when you're getting dumped
the things you really don't want to hear when you're being dumped and
what they really mean.
Top 10 Rejection Lines For Men And Women
Women Say:
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing
geek in "Deliverance".)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my
Dad.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork
I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending
the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other
guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of
Ben and Jerry's.)
5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were
in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling
as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in
excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with.
It's that male perspective thing.)
Men Say:
10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)
1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)
This is the 5 stages of sex
1. The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon
period;
you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
2. The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the
marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
3. The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit,
perhaps
have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
4. The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which
you pass
each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!"
5. There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is
when you
get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in
the courtroom. |
True Romance
One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman
became
aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small
of her
back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding
his hand
over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below
her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and
the other.
His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs . His gentle
stroking
then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then
returned to
do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed
a little to
better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
"Why are you stopping?" she whispered.
He whispered back, "I found the remote."
|
THE LOVE DRESS
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.She knocked
on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see
her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.Soft music
was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law
answered.
' But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!
''Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained.'Every time
he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages
me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered,
put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic
CD, and lay
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying
there so provocatively.
' What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
|
Dating
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